04-26-17 Core Wounds
Have you ever had a pattern in your life that keeps repeating? Maybe you keep finding yourself with bosses who don’t appreciate your effort, or with romantic partners who never want to fully commit.
In today’s show address the four steps necessary to finally heal the core wound that causes many of these dysfunctional patterns.
A core wound is a wound that happened when you were a child, when your mind was not fully developed before you had the capacity to reason like an adult. Core wounds can be caused by traumatic events, but most often they are caused by simple, everyday events, that created a strong, negative emotional reaction. We felt scared, stupid, ignored, untrustworthy, or whatever.
That negative emotional impact is imprinted on our brain, and for the rest of our lives, we either seek out, or interpret, situations that make us feel the same way. This is not punishment! We do this in hopes that one day we will recognize our core wound, and use our fully functioning adult brain to help heal the trauma that we were unable to heal when we were children.
Tune in today, to finally learn how you can identify and heal your core wounds once and for all.
04-19-17 Dr Jamie Turndorf’s Upcoming “Kiss Your Fights Goodbye” Workshop at Omega
Kiss Your Fights Goodbye at Omega May 12, 2017 – May 14, 2017
Conflict is inevitable in our intimate relationships. Most of us believe that conflict and fighting are synonymous, but they are, in fact, very different.
Whenever our needs or wishes are thwarted, a state of conflict results. Anger can arise. It is how we handle that anger that determines if a conflict turns into a fight.
Join relationship expert and best-selling author Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love) and learn a gentle, loving, and successful approach to resolving conflicts with your spouse or significant other, colleagues, friends, and family members.
Throughout the weekend you begin moving toward closer, stronger relationships through:
- Gaining understanding of the chemistry of fighting
- Practicing identifying and eliminating fight traps
- Exploring how to heal childhood scars that fuel arguments
- Building confidence to address the sexual needs of your partner and yourself
- Deepening your capacity for empathy and listening
- Learning how to initiate positive confrontations and constructive negotiations
These methods help couples who are young or older, gay or straight, married or dating. Bereaved individuals may use them to resolve unfinished business with those in spirit.
In Lora’s Words: As a former attorney, Lora was continually frustrated by people’s inability to handle conflict. So often people spent thousands of dollars hiring lawyers to resolve their disputes resolved in court. What would it be like if we all learned how to resolve conflict? How would our lives improve if we could Kiss ALL of our Fights Goodbye? What if we learned how to heal our own stuff, to step back, stay rational, learn not to provoke the other person, and to truly be able to HEAL ourselves in the process of resolve our differences with others? Not only in intimate relationships, but in ALL relationships over our entire life?
Alter listening to this interview with Dr. Jamie Turndorf, also known as Dr. Love, I see that this is a real possibility! Tune in, and learn how YOU can learn how to make all relationships conflict-free!
04-12-17 Why “Living in the Present” Doesn’t Always Work
I was in the lobby of Rockefeller Center in Manhattan when the secret of life was revealed to me. Contrary to what I’d been told, happiness, peace and prosperity did not come from living in the present. Happiness, peace and prosperity came from leaving the present moment, constantly shifting between the past and the future.
My chronic obsession with being present for everyone and everything in life had actually created a bigger issue, and as a consequence, I was even less present than I was before I became mindful. My over-presence resulted in a severe lack of presence.
Connecting to the Past and the Future
This sudden shift in perspective was due to a trompe d ‘oil (trick of the eye) mural on the Rockefeller Center ceiling by Jose Maria Sert, entitled Time. The key figure in this mural straddled a wide gulf with a heavy yoke over his neck. One foot on a pillar representing the past and one foot on a pillar representing the future, with the man perpetually balancing in the present.
The remarkable feature of this mural was that the man appeared to move as the viewer moved below him. When standing to the left of the man, he appeared to be looking to the future, his weight rooted firmly on his left leg, on the pillar representing the past. Moving towards the center, present point, his weight appeared to be evenly balanced on both pillars, poised between past and future. Moving to the right, the man began shifting his weight and his gaze, once again looking to the future and shifting his weight to his other leg, which, from this vantage point, was now in the past.
Walking back and forth under this mural two things became apparent. First, in order to stay perfectly balanced in the present moment, there can be no movement. Second, the crushing weight of the present moment was too heavy, even for this strong man, to hold up without the constant shifting of his weight. His movement was what gave him strength, flexibility and resiliency. He would not have survived rooted in the present.
The Fallacy that “Staying Present” Leads to Peace
This got me thinking about the push to live in the present moment, and how we might be taking that all wrong. Single-cell organisms live in the present moment. I’m pretty sure my dogs and cats spend quite a bit of time in the present moment. Babies and children spend much time in living in the present moment, but as they develop, they begin moving outside the present moment. The greater the level of intelligence, the greater the ability to move outside of the present moment, to reflect upon the past and to plan for the future. It is the ability to escape the ever-present present moment, that leads to happier, more productive and more peaceful lives. Not simply being present.
I once heard a former prisoner of war speak. Despite spending seven years in captivity, he was able to survive and eventually thrive, in part, based on his ability to continually shift between the past and the future in order to create a tolerable presence. I navigated natural childbirth based on my ability to shift between the past and the future, only touching down in the present moment momentarily.
Even in ordinary, everyday situations, my ability to continually shift forward and backwards over the present moment gives my life peace, meaning and continuity. Otherwise, like the amoeba, my life sometimes feels like nothing but a perpetual string of frustratingly disconnected present moments. My ability to escape the present, to continuously integrate the past and plan for the future, provides depth and richness, bringing me happiness, success and peace.
Attending my children’s school concerts, I move briefly into the future, mentally planning a quick store run in preparation for dinner. This makes my future more efficient and enjoyable. Flashing back to memories of my own high school concerts brings on a flood of warm memories, making my present more enjoyable and meaningful. I am present, listening to the music, watching my children, but I’m also teetering between past and future, using both to navigate and enrich my present.
Disconnecting from the Present Moment Preserves Sanity
For me, my problem is not my failure to stay present. The problem is my chronic obsession with being present for everyone everything in my life. My problem is my over presence.
Like most Americans, I am constantly bombarded with multiple texts, calls and people. With two children, four animals, a spouse, multiple friends and family members, as well as clients and coworkers, staying present is sometimes crushing. Staying present requires me to be in multiple places at once, which I cannot do. Nothing remains sacred. Life becomes a string of present moments where nothing gets accomplished, nothing is enjoyed and frustration and inefficiencies mount.
The crushing weight of being present for everything that life throws at me, in the exact moment that it happens, means I’m stuck standing still. Like the man in the painting, I get crushed by a burden that I cannot hold.
I stand there stoically and attentively, but no matter how present I am, I cannot answer incoming calls at the same time I am texting replies. I cannot check my Facebook messages at the same time I’m viewing a Snap Chat. I cannot listen to one child’s stories about the day and help the other one with homework. I cannot pet the dogs while feeding the cat.
In order to stay sane, happy and productive, I need to escape from the ever-present present moment. I need to move between the past and the future, constantly shifting between them in order to make the present do-able.
For me, the secret of perpetual peace and happiness does not lie in living in the present moment. The secret of perpetual peace and happiness lies in my ability to straddle both the past and the present, continually shifting my weight between the two. Like Time, staying locked in the present moment is too much for me to hold. I remember my past. I look forward to my future, and I bring both of them with me wherever I go, using them both to organize and enjoy my time in the ever-present present.
04-05-17 Sensitive Show on Sexual Abuse and Violence
Sexual abuse and violence crosses all race, gender and socioeconomic lines. Statistically, one in five women will experience sexual violence, and considering that it is the most unreported crimes, those numbers are probably higher.
While FLAUNT! is about living a wonderful, beautiful, happy life and, for the most part, is lighthearted and fun, life sometimes hands us serious things that cannot simply be glossed over. We can’t simply pull ourselves out of depression, physical or mental illness, rape, assault or death of a loved one by choosing to get over it. Sometimes, that which we experience IS too much to handle. Sometimes we need professional help, sometimes we just need time.
As hard as we try to “get over” something, sometimes life spirals out of control and our methods of coping don’t work. People around us don’t understand what we are going through and the system doesn’t work the way we want it to. As is often the case with sexual assault or sexual violence of any kind, the resulting PTSD can be devastating to survivors as well as to friends and family.
While more and more awareness is currently being brought to rape culture and the truth about sexual abuse and violence, as a world, we still have a long way to go.
In this week’s show Parker shares her story as a sexual assault survivor. In candid, raw and vulnerable terms she shares all facets of her journey, from nearly failing out of school, to heavy drug use, to taking on the role of abuser, to a series of choices, actions and reactions that, absent her sexual assault, would not have been her own. She shares the impact her assault had on her family, friends as well as how it’s colored her life. As a survivor, she has flourished, and she continues to grow, heal and impact the world for good, but this has been no easy journey.
Whether you have experienced sexual assault or violence directly, or have been impacted by it through someone you love, this show will touch your heart and will educate you about one of the most prevalent issues we face today.