02-07-18 Body Shame, Love & Logic, and What we Resist, Persists
Is it any coincidence that the “obesity epidemic” and body shaming are both at an all-time high? Could it be that our resistance to “getting fat” is fueling our cultural obsession with shaming bodies that do not fit without our narrow standards of beauty?
Love & Logic is a parenting philosophy that emphasizes honesty, relationship, and natural consequences over punishment and shaming. For example, instead of shaming or spanking a child for breaking a lamp by playing ball inside, thus damaging the parent-child relationship, wounding the child’s ego and depriving the child of the natural consequences of his or her actions. Love & Logic strives to teach the lesson that playing ball inside might not be a good idea. The natural consequence of a broken lamp is replacing the lamp. The child is shown/taught how to earn enough money to replace or fix the lamp. The child’s ego remains intact, both parties get their needs met, and there is no need for diversion such as excuses, blaming, shaming, anger or hurt.
Can the same philosophy be used for bodies, health and can it serve to eliminate body shame altogether? If we as a society are open and honest about showing our bodies exactly as they are, if we are open about what we love, what we find uncomfortable, what we find scary, what we are concerned about, what we are not concerned about, then we leave no room for misunderstanding. Others cannot shame that which we openly and honestly present. So let’s talk about that which shames us.
No matter how healthy and happy we are, we all feel like the metaphoric “broken lamp” in some regard. The natural consequence of me offering up the truth of my body, as it, and both what I love about it as well as what feel is the “broken lamp,” what shames me, is acceptance, understanding and relationship. Because we can now bond in our understanding that we all have shame or fear. Maybe if we all resist less, maybe if we present our fears and insecurities more, then together move to a place of understanding.
Yes, we all want to be happy, healthy and attractive. Yes, we all have things that we feel are blocking us from being happy, healthy and attractive. Let’s talk about these blocks, learn from each other, and share what we’ve done to overcome our shame, fear and insecurity. Let me show you how I don’t fit into the idealized standards of beauty. Because only when I quit hiding, and quit resisting my fear that you’ll find out I don’t fit, with that shame dissipate. What we resist truly does persist. What are you resisting, and how can you FLAUNT! Whatever it is you are afraid of?