By Barbara Berger from Copenhagen:
It’s no secret that we are living through a very challenging time in human history where the whole world is experiencing so much conflict and the unfortunate but serious decline of democracy. We see and hear every day the tragic news from the US (where I was born and raised) as to the difficulty so many people are having when it comes to engaging in respectful, constructive conversations with each other. It seems to be increasingly difficult for many people to talk or debate with others respectfully, especially when they have different ideas as to how things can and should be done. Therefore, I believe nothing is more important in today’s world than that we all remind ourselves on a daily basis of the importance of the basic democratic principles upon which our societies here in the West are based. And that we continually ask ourselves how well we are doing (each one of us) when it comes to having respectful conversations and exchanges of ideas with our friends, family members and colleagues at work.
Because of my work as a coach and therapist, I hear everyday from people that even though I am living in Denmark, a country which is known for its well-functioning democracy, that many people also here are having difficulty practicing the basic principles of democracy when it comes to their private lives and their respective family members, partners or children. And as a result, they experience varying degrees of anguish and unhappiness. When we take a closer look at what is actually going on, we will see that often one or more of the people involved do not respect the rights of their respective family members or partners or children to have their say, to have their opinion, to disagree, to want different things – and/or in some cases to live their lives as they think and feel is best. All of which can greatly sabotage our ability to communicate, be close with each other, and enjoy all the many other wonderful benefits of human relationships.
But fortunately for us, there is a practical and effective way in which we can improve most of our relationships – and that is by applying the basic democratic principles to all our relationships. Because when we do this, when we remind ourselves of these basic principles, we can then really improve our relationships with other people and especially with those who are closest to us.
Here’s what I suggest:
When talking, for example, with clients, I usually first review the basic democratic principles mentioned above, and then advise people to ask themselves the following questions:
– Am I respecting the rights of the others in my family (or my partner) to have their say, to have their opinion, to disagree, to want different things – and to make their own choices (big and small) as to how they want to live their lives?
– Are the other members of this family (or my partner) respecting my right to have my say, to have my opinion, to disagree, to want different things – and to make my own choices (big and small) as to how I want to live my life?
– Is there an understanding in this family or in this relationship of the inherent worth of each one of us, even if we are different? In other words, regardless of gender, religion, sexual orientation, lifestyle, political choices, etc. – is there a basic respect for each person’s right to be who they are and to be different from the way the other family members may be?
– When we are sharing the same living space or participating in the same activities, can we respectfully talk about and discuss the various ideas each one of us may have as to how we can best deal with whatever activities or situations we are participating in together?
– Can we understand and respect that we probably have different ideas as to how to deal with things? And as a result, are we willing to respectfully try to find “workable compromises” that all the involved parties can agree to? This is the way the legislative bodies in democratic societies are designed to work in a well-functioning society. They try to find solutions (workable compromises) to the problems facing their societies. And to do this, they talk and discuss and debate and negotiate and, in the end, hopefully find workable compromises which then become legislation when the majority accepts and votes for these compromises/solutions. But the question here is, how well are we doing in terms of democracy and negotiating respectfully in our own homes and families?
We can be almost certain that there is a disregard for the basic democratic principles described above when members of a family (or one’s partner) don’t allow one of the people in the relationship to have his or her say, opinion, disagree, or want different things. Or when they try to pressure or manipulate this person into living life the way they believe is best for that individual. This is not only disrespectful and the cause of much stress, tension and disharmony in many families and relationships, it sadly shows a lack of understanding of the basic democratic principles upon which our societies are built. (These same problems – lack of basic respect for each person’s right to be who he or she is – can unfortunately also be seen in close friendships and at the workplace.)
Once we understand that it’s just as important to practice the basic democratic principles in our families, couple relationships and other close relationships as it is to practice them in our society in general, the question arises as to how these democratic principles actually play out in our relationships in practice? In other words, most specifically and concretely, how do we talk, act and treat each other when democratic principles and respect are our starting point? I try to answer these very important questions about how to apply these basic democratic principles in our closest relationships in my latest book “Healthy Models for Relationships – the Basic Principles Behind Good Relationships With Your Partner, Family, Parents, Children, Friends, Colleagues and All the Other People in Your Life”. For more about the book, click here: https://beamteam.com/en/barbara/healthy_models.html
Long Live Democracy!
About Barbara Berger
American-born Barbara Berger is the best-selling author of “The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul” (published in 30 languages), “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” (published in 21 languages),
“The Awakening Human Being – A Guide to the Power of Mind”, and “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass”. Barbara’s latest books include “Healthy Models for Relationships – the Basic Principles Behind Good Relationships” and her autobiography entitled “My Road to Power – Sex, Trauma & Higher Consciousness”. Barbara lives in Copenhagen, Denmark and works as coach and therapist, helping people around the globe come into alignment with their own true power. For more about Barbara see her Web site: http://www.beamteam.com
